My Adult Jokes

[Story Maker]

What women would do if they had a penis for a day
10. Get ahead faster in corporate America.
9. Get a blow job.
8. Find out what is so fascinating about beating the meat.
7. Pee standing up while talking to other men at a urinal.
6. Determine WHY you can't hit the bowl consistently.
5. Find out what it's like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm.
4. Touch yourself in public without thought as to how improper it may seem.
3. Jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as funny as it looks.
2. Understand the scientific reason for the light refraction which occurs between a man's eyes and the ruler situated next to his member which causes two inches to be added to the final measurement.
1. Repeat number 9......

[Story Maker]

Check your Dirty IQ!

Questions:

1. When I go in I might cause pain. I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow. I can fill your hole. What am I?

2. A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. What am I?

3. I'm spread before I'm eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes like to lick my nuts. What am I?

4. I go in hard. I come out soft. You blow me hard . What am I?

5. All day long it's in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me. What am I?

6. I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When You blow me you feel good. What am I?

7. If I miss, I hit your bush. It's my job to stuff your box. When I come, it's news. What am I?

8. I offer protection. I get the finger ten times. You use your fingers to get me off. What am I?

9. I assist an erection. Sometimes big balls hang from me. I'm called a big swinger. What am I?

10. I'm at least 6 inches long. I leave foamy lubrication when engaged in my job. What am I?

Answers:

1. a dentist
2. a wedding ring
3. peanut butter
4. chewing gum
5. an elevator
6. a nose
7. a newspaper boy
8. a glove
9. a crane
10.a toothbrush, of course!

Now Really! Just what were you thinking?

[Story Maker]

Maths Lesson

A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife. It read:

"Dear wife, You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight, Your Husband"

When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:

"Dear Husband, You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this, I will be at the Hotel Inn with the 18-year-old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Don't wait up, your wife"

[Story Maker]

A student asks the professor:

A student asks the professor:
"May I leave the lecture? I have tonsilitis."
After the lecture when going home the professor sees the "sick" student walking with a cool girl. The professor calls the student and says:
"My dear, with such a tonsilitis you should be in bed."

[Story Maker]

No Man Can Ever Be Satisfied

with 4 things in life.
(1) Mobile
(2) Automobile
(3) TV
(4) Wife
Because there is always a better model in neighborhood.

[Story Maker]

Why are wives more dangerous than the Mafia? The mafia wants either ur money or life… The wives want both!

====

Marriage is like a public toilet Those waiting outside are desperate to
get in & Those inside are desperate to come out.

===

Searching these keywords on Google `How to tackle wife?`
Google search result, `Good day sir, Even we are searching`.

===
Searching these keywords on Google `How to tackle wife?`
Google search result, `Good day sir, Even we are searching`.

===

Compromising does not mean you are wrong and your wife is right. It
only means that the safety of your head is much more important than
your ego!

===
Imagine living with 3 wives in one compound and never leaving the house
for 5 years.Osama Bin Laden must have called the US Navy Seals himself!!!

===
It takes thousand workers 2 build a castle, Million soldiers to protect
a country, but just One woman 2 make a Happy Home ——— A Good
Maid!

===

No English dictionary has been able to explain the difference between the words ‘COMPLETE’ Vs ‘FINISHED’ in a way that’s so easy to understand:

When you marry the right one, you are COMPLETE.

When you marry the wrong one,you are FINISHED.

And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED. it is call vicious circal of Wedding Ring…… your wife is ring master……

===

Whisky is a brilliant invention. One double and you start feeling
single again.

===

A little girl runs out to the backyard where her father is working, and asks him, “Daddy, what’s Sex?”

“OK,” he thinks, “this day was bound to come, and I’m not going to let my little princess learn about sex from the streets.”

So, he sits her down, and tells her all about the birds and the bees. He tells her about conception, intercourse, puberty and menstruation.

Then she asks, “Daddy, what is ‘A Couple’?”

And he carries on, “A couple is two people like your mom and me.” And he goes on to describe gay, lesbianism, etc…

The father finally asks, “So why did you want to know about ‘a couple’ and ‘Sex’?”

“Oh, mummy said lunch would be ready in a couple of secs…” the girl replies.

[Story Maker]

To make it straight, she pulls it..
To make it stand, she rubs it.
To make it stiff, she licks it.
To put it in, she pushes it.
It’s hell of a job threading a needle!

````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
A guy donated blood to his girlfriend. When they broke up, he wanted
his blood back.
The girl threw a bloody kotex at him and said, I’ll pay you in monthly
installments.’

````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
Girl in cinema turns sideways and whispers to her boyfriend.
‘The man next to me is masturbating!’
Bf: ‘Ignore him.’
Gf: ‘I can’t.’
Bf: ‘Why not?’
Gf: ‘He is using my hand!’

````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
The Bio teacher draws a huge PENIS on the board and asks ‘Does anybody
know what this is?
Dirty Harry says ‘Oh, it’s a penis and you know my dad’s got 2 of
them?’
The teacher says ‘2 of them?’
Harry says ‘ya! the little one he uses to pee, and the big one to brush
mum’s teeth.’

[Story Maker]

4 miracles of a woman
Getting wet without taking a shower
Bleeding without getting hurt
Giving milk without eating grass
Making boneless meat hard.

````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
What is the smallest hotel in the world?
The answer is ‘Vagina Inn’
It accomodates only 1 standing occupant with his 2 baggages left
outside.

````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

Unborn twins saw a penis approaching.
1st: Papa coming, papa coming.
2nd: U fool, it’s uncle! Papa never comes with a raincoat!

````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

A hubby said to his wife, ‘I will take a photo of your breasts and frame
it..’
The wife said to husband, ‘I will take a photo of your penis and
enlarge it.’

[Story Maker]

At 15, a girl is a SURPRISE.
At 25, she is the RIGHT PRICE.
At 35, a GRAND PRIZE.
At 45, a CONSOLATION PRIZE.
At 55, she is a DOOR PRIZE, and
at 65, a GIVEAWAY PRIZE.

````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
What did Snow White complain about after having sex with the 7
dwarfs?
Snow White said, ‘I would rather have 7 inches at 1 time.
Not 1 inch 7 times.’

````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

The vagina is the world’s best rehabilatation/correction center.
Even the most violent and aggresive penis comes out humbled,
head bowed and reduced in size.

````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

A loving husband had ‘I Love You’ tattoed on his dick.
When he got home, he showed it to his wife.
She said, ‘There u go again, trying to put words in my mouth.’

[Administrator]

English Language Not Allowed

Thread will be moved recycle bin